the real housewives of new jersey finale is tonight. it makes me wish we had pot.
You fell asleep mid BJ last night. I put your pants back on you. My ego is pretty bruised this morning.
im flying all the way to minnesota to see him for four days... cutest-best-friend-reunion or most-epic-booty-call-ever?
who says it cant be both...
Chick took off her bra in the middle of class cuz it was "too hot." How's going out of state feel now?
She stared for a good 10 seconds before calling my dick "awe-inspiring", and then proceded to give me blueballs. All in all the ego boost made my night break even
almost got into it with the cashier. bitch dont look at me like that just cuz im only buying wine and icing. ill fight.
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
You were a path of destruction, you started with eating half the cake, proceeded by throwing the rest in the sink and dumping water all over it while laughing... then throwing the drunk helmet across the room yelling that you didnt want to wear it... i'd say it was a successful birthday.
He's grinding topless with a group of girls to that discovery channel song. May I take a message?
Dramatic love triangle! I guess mystery Asian and I will just have to fight it out for your love.
Turns out she left way earlier. So I'm stuck with this guy asking where he can score meth and if I'm really straight.
I learned that I order a bunch of dollar shots at the bar and once it's ready turned around and say "who wants pay?" And someone will pay
You gave my cousin a blowjob and are facebook friends with my mom. Is there a name for this level of friendship?
I just found weed in my bra #magicboobs2k16
u woke up and asked who took ur pants off then realized u did n almost cried over not gettin layed
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