I love black thongs
i was rollin on her like bob the builder
every time I worry about a career mistake, I remember Michelle Pfeiffer did Grease 2.
part of me always dies a little when i go to the "2 women seeking 1 man" section in craigslist's casual encounters to find nothing there. it's tragic
love being home for thanksgiving just had grandma pick me up from the frat by her house
Pre-crushing the pills for tomorrow morning. This way I can sleep in an extra 10 minutes.
I guess he was telling a totally normal story about being a lifeguard and I wouldn't stop screaming "THAT'S LUDICROUS" at random intervals.
New definition for "rock bottom": Waking up in a puddle of your own puke, missing your fake tooth. Then having to dig through said puddle of puke for aforementioned fake tooth. Think it's time I quit partying so hard.
Is this your way of breaking up with me as my wingman?
Happiness is watching your asshole boss' police DUI video.
We need to be on the same page regarding the 3some this time. No more "one of us should probably leave" moments.
I'm going on a new diet. It's called the "eat healthy otherwise boys won't want to have sex with your fat ass" diet. Wish me luck.
Yeah, but she is forever sending my vagina on some sort of mission.
That's the kind of activity you can only get away with by wearing a lion codpiece
Dude. Cvs sells sex toys. And my discount works on them. Game on.
Blowing lines in the bathroom and trying to get into the mindset of someone who wants to be at work for 12 hours
Randomize
