i threw up in a trash can last night at kellys irish times. but in a trash can because i'm a lady
If i could bang her from 80ft away, I would
jess passed out on the pong table. it was depressing until we started singing shania twain an hour later and heard her muffled voice singing along.
I can't wait until weight watchers comes out with a beer
you were stumbling down richmond carrying a girl in a nurse costume. its not even halloween dude
I wish the sun would stop judging me for being drunk while it's still shining.
I would lick a homeless mans crack teeth for a cup of coffee right now.
We are sitting here staring into each others eyes, mutually rubbing forks up and down our respective noses. High as balls doesn't even begin to cover it.
Just pulled a Kenny Powers on a snowmobile
Direct quote from her that tipped me off I was getting some: "I want to jump on his shoulders and wrap my legs around his face"
For future reference.... When you take a beer out of a 6pack... You don't insert your phone as a substitute.
When I die I just want my headstone to my name, date of birth-death, and TEQUILA!!
I'm wearing sunglasses around my house. Douchebag status. The hangover is real.
Well I hate to admit it but at this point I can successfully say i have been pee'd on by both of my roommates.
He’s older
Like “has a job and pays his bills” older or “still watches porn on DVD because he can’t figure out the Internet” older?
Randomize
