Can i not drive my cunt home
At least we don't have one night stands
True that. We sink our claws in our men.
Ridin mah bike see you on the moon
I hate it when she philosophizes drunkenly on my kitchen counter. not even sober do i understand latin.
He said he had a problem he needed to take care of before we got omelets and then showed me his erection.
Just found a peacock feather in my car. Should I be the least bit concerned about this?
You were in your third change of clothes, and I found you in my driveway passed out with my dog's food bowl. You win.
Solid teamwork gives us a good shout of both bringing home trophy cougs
If I get over there and the april fools joke is that there's no HBO, I'm setting fire to the place.
I walked in on him successfully eating chips and masturbating at the same time. I don't know whether I should be ashamed or proud.
i'm gonna fuck his crew, i'm gonna wax my asshole. i'm gonna make them all cry tears of sex joy then move to colorado.
I just found out that my husband and I are Eskimo siblings. What in the actual fuck?!
I am literally sitting here with a jar of Nutella and a spoon, reading an article called "never drink alone again because now there's wine for cats." How single am I?
Current dream situation- Gordon Ramsey is my Uber driver and he's hauling around a backseat filled with chocolate covered açai berries. I'm good for eternity.
We walked around last night for hours saying nothing but nom nom nom and barking at each other.
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