I molested 6 butterflies tonight
so looking at the guys i've dated i feel my vag is a halfway house
Oh. Thats cool. Im not dating anyone right now. Sean gave me chlamydia from some GUY he fooled around with. Im being abstinent.
Not too sure about the toy story pull ups. The kids point to their crotch all day and say woody.
Found him. He was passed out on the couch at the new place in a room full of burnt pizza smoke.
I just blew my nose and little bits of weed came out.
We woke up, fucked twice, she drank 3 warm heinekins to cure her hangover and said "Im glad you're still hott when im sober"
I mean, I'm twenty four years old and I've never paid for my own drink. You can't say that any of your ex girlfriends boobs are THAT great.
Highlight of the night: paying my cell phone bill at the bar... I need to get laid.
no dude I'm not doing anything bad to her...remember she's always the DD she has blackmail material on literally all of us
My Instagram consists mostly of drag queens and people who dress up as power rangers... I'm pretty sure I'm an unclassified category of gay
nana can keg stand better than me. should i be proud?
So this is completely apropos of nothing, but I have a feeling that a friend of mine might be a good match for you. Can I set you two up on a date? Oh, and it seems that we live a block away from each other and aren't having sexy times. This is ridiculous. By the way, there's a chance that I might be a tad drunk. Still though, there's a very *good* chance that you and Mr. X would get along.
I can't tell if I'm still on the hangover from last night, or if I'm experiencing the one from tomorrow, because it was so powerful that it actually traveled back through time...
They should make eskimo sister bracelets. OMG WE NEED BRACELETS WITH IGLOOS ON THEM.
Randomize
