Wasted at the beach. Toasting underage, overdeveloped girls. God bless 'em.
tonight, alcohol would be proud of us
I've drank myself into a smaller pants size. Who ever said alcoholism was unhealthy was mistaken.
I thought that since they were twins... they would be equally as good in bed
did the walk of shame through a baseball field. .A little league game was going on. Proceeded to buy a hot dog at the concession stand. the looks were priceless.
using smirnoff bottles as a pillow actually isnt as uncomfortable as you would think
No. Do you know how much this carpet cost? If she comes over, you put down towels this time. i'm so not kidding.
You're gonna die alone anyway. Even if you do meet a man, they die earlier than women. Best case, you have to deal with grieving over his death and then die alone a couple years later. Worst case, you get a terminal illness and he divorces you, leaving you to die alone anyway.
Thanks, mom.
I have to cancel. My sons dad is out of jail unexpectedly and i'm kinda an emotional wreck. P.s. This is not the life I dreamed of as a little girl.
Yeah I should probably start planning our first conversation instead of our first child.
Yea no bueno and I only brought enough weed to last one night. And it was no Hanukah nug, it didn't last 8 days.
Dude, I lost my shirt, and my doorknob is gone. I'm not sure which I should find first
I snuck out of his room and his roommate stopped me to tell me there was a condom stuck to my back
I just masturbated while watching Say Yes to the Dress
This is what my life has come to
Okay so I just had a really great idea
no.
Randomize
