Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
well i was about to unbutton his pants but then i realized they had an elastic waste-band, so no, that didnt happen
im using the astroglide sample u sent me as a bookmark for the book im using to write my midterm paper. i need to get laid. bad.
Today's dinner table topic: the probablity of my dad turning gay if he ever left my mom.
I think it was you who decided that coming home at 3AM and cooking eggs topless was the best way to end our night. Eating the scrambled eggs off each other's boobs, that was ellie's idea
He was having trouble staying hard then just stopped mid-sex and said "it's overheating" while pointing to his dick.
Just used "I used to work as an inflatable toy operator" as a pick up line. Freshman frenzy is great...
Now I know he's not trying to fuck me. He took me to lunch at White Castle.
How was the birthday sex?
Shit got outta hand. Honestly I think even my STDs have STDs.
There's a very drunk Asian strawberry shortcake crying on the curb next to my truck. I'm not really sure what standard protocol is for this situation.
we just drove past a kid stuck in a tree what a wonderful time to be alive
Take off your clothes and see if he wants to have sex, that's a good way to find out
I spent two entire hours explaining to a guy why I wouldn't make out with him. How was your night?
I love you even if you are fucked up. If you fall, i'll just get on top of you.
oh dont worry mom i am not sick my cough is from a recent increase in recreational drug use
that will happen
Randomize
