wasted. watching meteors, awesome idea i ever had, see 2 for every 1 with ma double vision
So after the reception we snuck back into the church for drunken hook up. we passed out there and woke up in time for 6am mass still dressed from the wedding. spiritually trashy or classy?
We started a mustache riot at white castle at 4 in the morning. Will explain in detail.
We just took turns doing keg stands. 27 is way too old for this. Out of 5 of us, our best time was 9 seconds.
I woke up with no pants, someone elses shirt, but my new years crown still on. That is dedication.
I've never danced to a Michael Jackson song in a bar and left alone bro. Something in girls loves a guy who dances to mj
I think my vagina has grown over, not unlike earring holes when not used in a long amount of time.
He's listening to "my heart will go on" by himself in the living and its not even noon. MAKE IT STOP.
Just cried watching Wimbledon, worst comedown ever.
I was in a penguin suit. Dick out. I am confident in the value of my pic.
The fact that I can sew my leggings while intoxicated proves I'm a functioning alcoholic
Went to the lab to print and realized the guy next to me was the one we stole all the beer from last night..... Oops
He kept telling me that he didn't serve two tours in Iraq for my bitch ass to drink banana rum.
I have a hunchback of notre dame journal from when I was 6 wherein sits a diary entry that reads "saw liar liar today. Carrey's best yet" and that's all.
To potentially get me laid, I need you to send me your favorite memes.
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