out of nowhere you said let us see your boobs, then proceeded to pull my shirt down.
i gets down
her teeth should be alot whiter from all of those blowjobs she gives
Theres a live mouse in the toilet. Goddamn you this is why I don't party here
Yeah I should probably start planning our first conversation instead of our first child.
He rode a broom down the stairs while we were mattress surfing. Naked. Buck ass naked. WTF
Sorry there's no emoticon for I got my period all over a guy's bed so I had to improvise. There isn't even a bed one
Please don't smoke the bong in the bathroom while you shit. It is not a shitting bong.
She had sex in a public bathroom and slept on a couch in the dorm lobby. It's only Monday
The Medal of Honor you banged could be at the inauguration today. You really dropped the ball on keeping up with that one.
Can we smoke pot out of a menorah?
I'm at that point in my life where keeping an extra pair of underwear in my purse is normal.
That's it. I'm moving to LA & sitting on his face.
The last thing I remember is being given a cup full of absinthe and deciding I needed to wear my tool belt
You were returned to the hotel by someone wearing a priest costume and carrying knives.
hi, I love you... and I'm sorry your floor is covered in popcorn, your cabinet is broken, all your alcohol is gone, you're 80 dollars poorer, everything in your bedside table is soaked in beer, austin slept in your bed in those disgusting underwear, I made out with your toilet seat, and for talking to your mom with a four loko in my hand
I told my mom that I was just gonna go check the mail. It's been 19 hours, and I woke up in a hot tub covered in chocolate, with a text from her sayin "have fun sweetie"
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