Knee deep in strippers, everything is comped. will try hard to be there at 8. i promise.
Dude, can't find my socks anywhere....
Yeah, you took a shit in the harbor off a wall, used them to wipe. I'm sure they're still on the beach somewhere if you really want them back
my life is in even more shambles than last time, mcdonalds is closed
Dude pussy is like music. For every person who pays for it, there are thousands more getting it for free.
so exactly how many freshman chicks did i tell to call me "the tripod"?
Jason and steven are boiling shrimp in the microwave again
these girls were driving down the road screaming "SHOT!!" out the windows and pelting potatoes at passerby.
i got hit in the ear.
Can we put your name for the shipping address for penis ice luge?
Im deleting that text because its a possible ncaa violation
Stoned, and eating Doritos, and reading about lesbians for class. This is the life.
He'd rather cuddle with his shitty little miniature dog than the half naked girl in his bed. I've lost all hope for him and my vagina
I put purple lights under my bed and asked him if he wanted to fuck in a spaceship.
I JUST FARTED SO LOUD AND HARD I IMMEDIATELY TASTED IT
My manager is trying to help me find a good career path, and I'm trying to find a professional way to tell him I just wanna smoke and fuck.
How much beer/TP for a BJ? Trying to set my new rates.
Randomize
