Words i added to my t9 today: gnomes, facebook, and chlamydia.
im letting my talent of no gag reflex go to waste
oh and i really hope miley falls off this mountain she is climbing
i fell off the bed in the middle of it, and he yelled "5 second rule" and kept fucking me. i think im in love
They left shortly after you claimed the dirty rug as your mattress and began alternating between singing "Dayman" and "Nightman"
no you cant smoke seaweed
it was my 21st birthday. took an old mans walker so i could stay till last call. reasonable right?
so high and i think i just ordered a magic bullet.
did you call within the first 18 minutes? can i have the free one?
It gives me purpose in life to help fulfill nerdy fantasies. Like I'm doing something good for mankind and having multiple orgasms in the process.
I have been drunk every time I've gone to mexico. I do not remember mexico.
Mom told me you snuck booze into a concert in a cheez its box...I have never been prouder to be related to you
Having weed delivered to your door is like having your own personal Santa Claus
At the bar in my pajamas again
Ummm that is the 3rd time this week and it is Wednesday
Fuck my life he IS a stripper, Ive been sleeping with a stripper named Phoenix. damnit, I knew the sex was too good
She tied me to her bed using her honor chords. Thank god for graduation!
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