he ran me a hot bath. i thought i was in a pot and was going to be eaten. i was strangely ok with this
It's Christmas week. I wouldn't know what to do if i wasn't hung over.
Of all the things I am low enough to do, how could you even doubt if that was one of them?
Should I tell her she gave me head in the kitchen while I was eating a cupcake or would that hurt her dignity too much?
I asked if he wants to help me spring forward at 2am on Sunday. He seems down.
Let me be the 15% helpful, 85% useless as shit angel on your shoulder.
I'm FaceTiming Pizza Hut.
Between the uncertainly of my bowels today, and the distance the bar is to my house, remember I am doing this for you and our mutual appreciation of alcoholism.
Well I passed out before 4:20 on 4/20 so I deem it a failure AND a success.
OMG I WAS JUST THINKING ABOUT HOW OUR FRIENDSHIP IS SO REAL BECAUSE I SHOW YOU DICK PICS AND WE LAUGH TOGETHER.
At the bar in my pajamas again
Ummm that is the 3rd time this week and it is Wednesday
I said I wanted pizza tattoo on my ass and the tattooist asked me what I wanted on it.
PLEASE LET MY BIRD FUCK YOUR BIRD
He can be a kind, caring soul but also give in to the temptation of eating unicorn ass.
She totals her lexus and all she wants is to have crazy wild sex.
Randomize