In honor of tonight, my penis will make an appearance
Do NOT cum in me, on me, or in my bed.
The only thing I have to prove last night happened is a fireman's hat full of puke.
Just downloaded the entire Justin Bieber album sober.. I think you know how I'm doing.
it's like i can feel the ghost of his dick still inside me
every time fb tells me a dude i fucked is now friends with another dude ive fucked, i die a little inside. thats way more honesty than im comfortable with.
buying new sheets for when my mom visits. I can't in good conscious let her use the ones from last night
Is there a non-awkward way to tell a girl I work with that she looks just like my favourite pornstar?
Also, I'm going to TRY and be casual this weekend, but really, we need to be serious about equally dividing our time between party and bullshit.
Dammit now I'm pissed. Its like I am torn between two worlds. A world of girls, and a world of people punching other people in the head. Both are just so beautiful.
I think I accidentally agreed to be someone's surrogate
Bro i pulled the fucking willy wonkas gold ticket of ratchets the other night this chick was a real treat god bless her
I don't have time to shower before my passport photos...your cum is all over my hair...that's with me for 10 years now
I haven't showered. And am sitting in the office smelling like a beer can someone's been using as an ash tray.
How drunk is too drunk to be on an airplane?
Randomize
