im gay
i know
yea but for you.
Brickbreaker makes my post drinking poops that much better. Sorry, I had to tell someone who might agree.
Dude wtf I'm sitting behind some girl in class who is creeping on my facebook page. I don't even know who she is..
I want to hump her dimples until her face caves in.
So many issues. You honestly need help.
Nothing like pulling a bottle of vodka out of your purse at 7am in the security line to make your fellow passengers uncomfortable...
When you see a guy in a wheelchair try to be cool and pop a wheelie, and then fall over backward and hit his head, is it funny or sad?
michael burned off one of his eyebrows making a pizza so he had to shave off the other one to make it look even. it doesn't look right, but I'd still bang him.
i've created a new STD.
Hopefully this dress says "let me rent your house" and not "let me suck your dick for money"
WEED IS MY SPIRIT ANIMAL
That one probably shouldn't have been in caps
He said that I started crying after sex because he was leaving to go back to Europe after the semester was over and I wouldn't see his dick anymore. This is why I need to stop hooking up with the exchange students.
You know those times when you're sitting down for a while and r like damn I'm sober but then stand up and r like WOAH HOLD UP.
We are never doing shots of gin. Never again.
I'm pretty sure that's exactly what we're doing.
I'm so stoned. We're making Josh's sister bake us brownies. She's so small and pixie like. Her brownies make me cry tears of happy.
GOD I WOULD STAB DANNY IN THE EYE WITH HIS OWN PENIS
.........That big, huh?
No. I would cut it off
Randomize
