he was like Britney Spears in bed.. a little chubby and too medicated to perform.
PS Can you transmit a UTI to a sexual partner? I tried to ask, but the doctor just told me to abstain (sup Bristol) for my own good w/o answering
We were drinking cognac with TAB. I felt like trailer park royalty.
Is waterboarding an exceptable way of getting sober?
there is laundry and salad ALL OVER my car, i need context
You told him that your vagina was the "King Crab" of all vagina's.
i honestly don't know why someone didn't cut me off after i broke the ceiling lamp with MY HEAD
4 girls bringing me taco bell. this is what dreams are made of.
Made a vodka juice box out of a ziploc bag and a straw for when I drive. Doesn't count as an open beverage container anymore.
Perfect. And my grandma just called me and talked to me for eighteen minutes telling me that she was worried because of my Halloween costume that I'm not a Christian and that I'm not eating. Wtf.
bro i dont care how hot she was, you try keeping it up with the amount of puppet he had in her room, it was like fucking in jeff dunham's house
I mean I love some drunk compliments, but he just wasn't up to my low standards.
I'll never get why we had to sing the entire full house theme to the cab driver.... never drinking rum again.
New Orleans is just like you. Dirty but beautiful and will always have a special place in my heart
I come into the house and he's fucking doing karaoke by himself... Lady gaga
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