a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
so then we both started to do the walk of shame and she didnt realize we had fucked in her apartment until some lady said hi to her in the elevator
you didnt stop her?
too entertaining
She told me she couldnt give me head last night because she was running out of listerine
He walked in and put an x made out of tape on the floor. He then announced that he was going to pass out there. Cocky or strategic?
somehow we got the entire party to start singing "ill make a man out of you" from mulan. needless to say, that kid had the best keg stand i'd ever seen.
We were walking home when he passed out, we left him. Just got a call from him, hes in a jail in Canada.
Well, he sent me "techno kitty adventure" about 10 minutes ago. So, he could be anywhere.
This old guy just saw me toking on my bubbler before I go to the dentist. He gave me the nod.
OH MY GOD DO YOU REMEMBER WISHBONE? DO YOU REMEMBER THAT LITTLE BITCH? WHAT'S THE STORY WISHBONE
I just woke up eating some beef jerky with my cat. I think she opened the bag for us.
He played pinball with my ovaries. He won.
I told him to just roll me a blunt and put it in a heart shaped box.
Come get your sister, she's waving a shoe about and threatened to "teabag the Shit" out of the doorman because she can't check the shoe in.
YOU LICKED MY MAKEUP OFF.
Your liver needs more exercise - we start training tonight.
Randomize
