He lasted like 30 seconds. With a condom. I just expected more from the president of a frat.
Yeah well I just ate cereal out of a muffin pan with a fork. I'll flip a coin as to who has to tackle that pile of dishes we've neglected for 3 weeks.
They have edible shot glasses at target.
There really is a God.
i just watched a special on porn, the business isn't doing so good. You may want to wait before you start your career
Manscaping on you would be like trying to clean up the oil spill with a dixie cup.
He apologized for his naked psychotic episode and then we had goodbye sex on his sailboat
You said that "grilled cheese was much to complex" and started to throw the buttered bread at the wall while eating all the cheese.
It was fine until they started lighting shots of everclear on fire and making ME take them. That's when shit went down...
It wasn't your birthday, you weren't supposed to be the drunk one
When people keep buying you drinks at the bar because they like you, you can't say no to them
I feel horrible. I brought her to your house like a late night pizza delivery and dropped her off.
I'm high and having a granola buffet this has got to be the healthiest I have ever been
pray to the hookup gods
It was probably bad to sleep with someone just to pet his dog right?
enjoying your night?
do dogs like to salsa?
I dont know if that answers my question or not
Two days ago a random guy asked me to sign his forehead 'cause he wanted to have the name of the prettiest girl in the bar on him and never wash it. I just saw him and my signature still there...
Randomize
