My new storm is the chrons
The only reason I needed a new one is bc I threw up on my other one(248): And since Verizon doesn't have a throw up test, I was eligible for a new one
is she serious with that outfit? Why doesnt she just paste a for sale sign on her boobs?
i'm at the gym and so are four guys who have seen my tits. i need winter break.
im flying all the way to minnesota to see him for four days... cutest-best-friend-reunion or most-epic-booty-call-ever?
who says it cant be both...
i think i have that disease where you wake up in strange places drunk.
No he didn't understand the sequence...then I started texting him these texts with vagina strategically spelt correctly in jumbles of letters.
Not enough. Tell the person next to you to give you their drink. I give you permission. And then chug it. Be a hero tonight.
I have a huge bruise on my thigh that I am 95% sure is due to you repeatedly throwing me over couches.
I'm too over dressed and drunk for this emergency vets office
Give it up bro. I’m not wearing pants or a bra and only an act of god could change that
Dude.. She just busted into my house wearing a ski mask, a poncho, and thigh-high pink hooker boots and yelled, "THE CABS ARE HEEERRREEE!!"
can we not speak foreign languages when I'm on drugs
It's almost 5am and all I can keep thinking is IT'S WHISKEY TIME!!
He just blew a .079. Jesus loves him THAT much.
Car sex in a public place. Boo ya.
Randomize