I could be a Disney star with the amount of nude photos of mine that get leaked.
Last time I saw him the sun was coming up and he was asleep in the student wellness parking lot. For some reason people were peeing on him.
There was an unopened condom by my car when I went to pick it up this morning. Someone may have fucked on the hood of my car last night. Don't think it was me but I can't rule it out 100%.
You are the voice of reason. And I'm bringing wine. Like seriously this is his last chance. Don't touch me once, shame on you.. Don't touch me twice, shame on me
You're wrong. It's my BIRTHDAY. We all know it's impossible to get pregnant on my diva day!
Its 11am and I'm eating gummi bears and drinking Tennessee honey in my underwear...this is why I'm self employed
idk i just feel really unsatisfied. like something's missing from my life... maybe it's chicken nuggets...
You tried to ride his dick and fell off. Then tried to ride the floor. That's why he hasn't called back
do you think there's enough of the fabric you gave me to make a crop top for a cat?
So I've already made 5 bad decisions today, wyd?
And thank god for autocorrect cuz I can't even think in English let alone spell in it right now.
All I want to do is lay in my bed and eat hotdogs
OMG LOOK AT THAT PIECE OF MAN
I haven’t trained for this.
Nah, just stick him in a closet with some cheetos, a blunt and soda. The darkness will calm him down until Mallory can be located.
It’s a prereq for med school, so I hope the professor likes blow jobs
Randomize
