I woke up this morning with a hospital armband on containing all the information off my fake i.d. WTF did we do last night!?!?
My 10 year old son gave me a bottle of jameson for fathers day. Did you have something to do with this?
because whats more american than sleeping with a westpoint cadet on the 4th of july?
I could've eaten a live cat and wouldn't remember it today. That level of drunk.
From the guy that lifted you into a fan I'm sorry
i think they forgot i was still in the room... she grabbed his balls and said "i feel a fire coming on".
I was short on money so I let my roommate mase me for $60
Maybe just the first 2 wks of Nov can be dick detox.
Turns out the guy I peed on gave me a ride back to my dorm this morning.
You are a god.
How long have I been using my debit card as a coaster?
I found the crust to my pizza under my covers that's cool
new dating motto: let your guard down, not your panties
I'm sorry about all of the innappropriate shoe throwing
Come share oat with me in your robe
Tempting guys with beer and cheese. How Midwestern are we?
Randomize
