We hit a deer, sort of a buzz kill. But it's fine.
I wish I could have two rating systems on iTunes. "This one is a 5 star. This one is only a 5 star when I'm baked."
and then she yelled "im going to fuck the next guy that walks by me". so ya thats how i lost my virginity
woke up with food on the counter from chipotle, taco bell, green cactus, and on the border take out. explain?
you were trying to get this Spanish chick to sleep with you. you were showing her how much you "loved her native food."
had to split buying plan b over two cards. I will no longer challenge people to get on my level
Hurricane Sex Time is the only thing iv said since it started.
Gong!
YOU'RE MARRIED NOW YOU CAN'T KEEP GONGING ME WHEN YOU GET LAID IT DOESN'T COUNT
I just sent him 3 long ass texts about how to tell a girl how he feels. I should get a fucking friend zone medal.
I will make you one.
Good. It needs "forever alone" engraved on it
The joke is on me because whale penis is forever in my search history.
Worth it.
I have chicken nuggets, lube and brand new batteries, he can stay at work charting all weekend for all I care, I'm set.
All I want is dick and wine.
she broke a 50 dollar bottle of alcohol. then passed out in front of her car and got sprayed by a skunk
My last memory of last night was being in a laundry room doing blow and admiring a washer and dryer... I think that's the earmark of old age
there is a naked boy in my bed & you just need to kick him out because i do NOT want to see him when i'm sober.
This girls ass literally just fell out of her jeans in front on me on the escalator. Going commando on a Monday morning is a bold move.
Randomize
