I've eaten ice cream, mentos, an extreme gulp and swedish fish today. i feel like diabetes. the actual disease not a person with it.
Me too. I'd like to spend all next summer high and drunk and riding ponies and boys.
Who wants to bang the sort of girl you can get with Axe body spray??
No, I didn't like him that much. But I took one for the team. And by the team I mean me and my vagina.
My sister came home, pulled two nalgene bottles of jaeger-bomb out of the fridge, changed out her 3 inch heels for 6 inch heels and left in under 3 minutes. I've never been more proud of her.
Let's just say my vagina is not superimpressed with the superintendent of schools.
she tried to handfeed me fritos while yelling "PENIS TRAIN"
Ya well here is the deal with last night, it was the Biggest shit show we have ever co-stared in.
You were so drunk you decided to go out of the car window instead of using the door, once you realized what you had just done you said fuck it and went back in through the window
He showed me a picture of his baby hamsters and I called them "Mammal McNuggets"
Someone who makes you cum so hard that you have an asthma attack is clearly your soulmate
I hope every time you eat hashbrowns you think about me, the awesome sex we had and how great we could have been.
Drunk is a universal language darling
Somehow I don't think offering me edibles is what dad meant by checking in on me
They're the hard candy kind!
Tonight’s your last chance for a danger free blowjob.
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