I won a flip cup tournbment! Why is boot and rally so hard when youre old?
she was so not down for the gang bang
I was so drunk last night that I went into my 15 year old sisters room to have her peer edit the drunk texts I was sending to my ex.
if i hear one more christmas song, i will fucking shoot myself.
She said "Lay the fuck down and ill show you how its done. Ill get us both off." I did. And she did. Best words ever said before sex.
Its a good thing the lights were off cuz Im pretty sure the look on my face when I touched his penis would have offended him
The bouncer said he wanted to but BBQ sauce on my legs. That Mystic tan has already paid for itself.
Sorry really high. We have no lighter so we're lighting the bowl with rolled up paper towels lit by candle which also lit with a rolled up paper towel that we lit with the stove eye
If I come back covered in mud topless and banging on your door, please have a warm towel ready for me
If i ever start ordering tequila again please tackle me to the ground and steal my wallet
I will always remember that night by waking up in that tablecloth the next morning
being a senior sucks, I just started embracing my inner slutty college girl, and it's almost time to put her away...for like, ever. and i really like her.
Seriously, this apartment is covered in body glitter. This chick musta been a huuuuuge slut. How do you get it across every surface?
Do you have any forwarding contact info?
If your gig isn't over in 30 minutes I am coming on that stage to come on your dick.
I slept naked last night on stolen pillows. I felt like a golden goddess.
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