please don't call me when you're wasted. i don't feel like having any other future arguments at 3:18am about how to hang up your phone. you have a flip phone, you should know regardless of how fucked up you are.
It's chlamydia! Thank God!
She fell asleep on the sidewalk and people starting using her as a hurdle
It was a two-sided wall so part of my body ended up in someone elses condo.
no, i remember trying to staple my nipples together. I just can't figure out where the hell stapler came from.
My absolute favorite part of last night was after I puked in the ally, we rounded the corner and you screamed, "she's ok!" and everyone cheered
I can't tell if they're having sex or watching the beach scene from Saving Private Ryan. All I know is I hear explosions and men screaming and crying
I wonder when walk of shame thursdays in the rain will finally make me stop drinking.
I may have played more drinking games with my family this last week than all of freshman year...
I'm not leaving my family to go to a strip club on good friday.
I just woke up to myself peeing the bed. Happy hump day! I'll never get married.
Dude I should have just gone home with the guy with dreads and the cat
Stoned stonnnnnnned on the raaaaange
You stumbled in the door as high as a kite, & ran into the table. I asked you if you were all right. You replied with "I don't have any soup."
Emergency thong? Check! Suspension bondage is a go!
Randomize
