Holy wow, I found all the old poems u wrote me back when we were in looooooooove...just sort of wild to look back on, thought u'd like that
You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
got weed?
I'm really tired of you accidentally texting me when your doing illegal things. I'm taking away your phone.
sorry mom...
I knew the sex would be bad when he slipped the rubber on and said "safe sex activated"
I am scared. I picture you doing a keg stand on a sinking ship with hula girls cheering you on. Please text me when you get back to shore...or now would be good
I chased a girl up a staircase screaming because she had a cardboard cut out of James Dean which, at the time, I believed to my friend being held against his will
just had to sit in the middle of an aisle in stop and shop because we're too hungover and needed to take a break.
I mean, we do coke and have sex occasionally...I wouldn't call that a relationship.
I'm unshowered, and since I've seen this episode of say yes to the dress, I've decided to go to the store and get a frozen pizza at 10:20 am. I'm crushing life.
We're doing it in the traditional way of discussing why we dislike each other while sharing a bowl. Just like the natives do.
Best surprise in my car. A cookie, sliced kiwi and the rest of my margarita. Work is going to be awesome.
Overslept. So hungover. Apparently texting the first person in my contact list the time I would like to wake up is not how the alarm clock in my phone actually works.
Yea we just broke up
so do we start sexting now or later?
Just made a beer run. At 9am. In my pjs. I should not be graduating today
Good morning! So would you prefer me to show up kind of late or on time but looking like I got chewed up and spat out by an episode of Buffy the Vampire Slayer?
Randomize
