i met a boy and i'm in lovvvvveeeeeeee and we're going to vegas and getting marrrrrriiiieeeeedddddd!
let's be honest with each other here, that's about the worst idea you've ever had. you need to walk this one off.
She was lying in bed moaning while eating a Snickers and masturbating.
chipotle is closed for thanksgiving... I am officially thankful for NOTHING.
I hope as the only other living being in this apartment you can explain to me why the toilet was full of cheerios this morning.
Every time she shows up on my newsfeed, I get the taste of tequila in my mouth.
You started laughing mid-cry and when I asked you said, "my tears taste like vodka."
I thought it went well, but he just sent me a video of me sucking an icicle on the fire escape of his building with the caption "The ice got more than I did." Somehow I feel like I owe him a blowjob.
When I take mushrooms I can feel your presence down there. I can feel where Africa is too.
Traded my phone for pizza, then got it back this morning....successful night
All you need to do now is invest in a Speedo and start going door to door.
I won't be able to get a boner for a month
Challenge accepted.
The port-o-potty that I peed in last night didn't actually have a toilet in it. And i never told anyone until this moment.
I almost forgot to feel shameful, if that answers your question.
I just saw a girl on the phone crying and eating a sandwich. Thats talent right there.
Woke up way too warm in the middle of a spooning sandwich. Was working up a rant about still not wanting a threesome. Then I realized the littlest spoon was the dog. Might need to break up anyway.
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