Note to all middle aged "I totally let myself go after childbirth" frumpy mothers: I do not dress this way for your husbands. Stop looking at me like that. It's not my fault.
just stole 2 cases of forties from some freshman in the woods by pretending to be a cop. that ten dollar spotlight is really turning a profit
It just gets louder and louder too...dear god. Her poor vagina.
You are so lucky that drugs are going to kill you before I do.
Idk. Im in a bed. the walls are wood. There's a deer mount.. im afraid to turn over and see who's next to me but he's violently cuddly.
The fire alarm went off at 3 am in the freshmen dorm. So guess which junior everyone now knows is hooking up with a freshman? This girl...
He motorboated me, gave me a business card that said congratulations on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
More importantly this is sex weather and i am striking out
I'm trying. I feel like we're trying to have sex with fruitcake. dry and boring.
It's 4 am here and I just vomited myself awake....Not rising OR shining any time soon
Parade of Dicks...that's what I'm calling 2017
I hate csi yet I find myself watching a full marathon. I am also eating hotdog buns stuffed with barbecue chips and they are quite tasty
yeah....try hearing them in person. it sounds like two muppets going at it
He’s over 6 feet has amazing posture and went to Harvard and has an awesome job and a great dick and loves Jesus and is an organ donor
Is this the guy you have listed as free food in your phone
Noooo he’s listed as free food #5
How was I supposed to know the accent was fake before i slept with him
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