He said if I blew him first he'd last longer....if 3 minutes is lasting longer, I'm not sure the bj was worth it
just opened a can of spagetti o's with a butter knife. the things u will do for food when ur stoned.
There's 12 honey baked hams in my fridge. I vaguely recalled you organizing a "Midnight Ham Run."
We're learning about the color wheel. Hello college.
Then she yelled something like "YOU HAVE SO MANY FORKS!" before collapsing on the floor
I'm pregaming for my hair cut. Working two jobs definately taught me how to use my time wisely...
hey tell your friend im sorry for licking his mouth, that was probably inappropriate
She gave me head while using a laptop on my stomach to go online. I've never seen a better feat of multitasking.
My stomach is revolting cause i have put food in it and no alcohol.
Also, thank you for letting me cry in your lap on the bathroom floor. I can't remember if I was clothed at that point, but if I wasn't, extra thank you.
The lady that was sitting beside me thought the best way to cheer herself up was to pet and ruffle my hair while crying and telling me her problems...
He just peed in the cab. I repeat..IN.
I know you're here! I can hear your phoneeeee. Wake up and do illegal things with me.
Two questions: is there going to be a bathroom at this party, and can we fuck in it. This will define whether or not I enjoy going to parties with you.
Not sure she's stomping around my apartment muttering incoherently about wanting to speak to the colonel
Randomize
