yeah so this exboyfriend of yours reckons you're still together and he punched me in the face cos i slept with you last week. you might wanna have a word with him or at a minimum change your facebook status.
the red, white, and blue power rangers were all also in the porn buisness, good bye childhood
Just saw a guy wearing pink jeans and i bet he's straight. Fuck 2009.
I woke up with the wrong plaid-shirted guy in my bed.
I will also be strapping forties to the puppies.
I get off at the next exit which doesn't have a shoulder, a guy is riding my ass so I cant stop. I think I got as much puke on his car as on mine.
You and Eric are like slutty bowling balls, and that poor family are the pins. They won't know what hit em.
strike, motherfucker.
Just got hit on by a middle-aged puerto-rican clown who told me that it would be bad to date someone who offers to buy me coffee and makes something of themselves. I love the NY subway.
Can we agree to not tell mom about this?
This isnt even the most disappointing thing i know about you.
I feel like we should at least be hungover if we're gonna be this grown up.
I like the wholesome side of you
I'm so goddamned horny I could use all my pent up energy to tear a redwood out by its roots.
I just got my evaluation. My manager told me he hated my guts and pretty much wanted to stab me in the face. Then he gave me an "exceeds expectations" on pretty much everything and a raise.
I woke up to a stripper (who added me on Facebook) messaging me reminding me to cancel my card if I can't find it
Many a woman has been in tears over the passing of my penis' whorish ways.
he came with me to get plan b but they didn't have any. when I started crying he said "come on it's not that bad.. ill go get sandwiches from the vending machine and we'll have our first meal together as a family"
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