haha omg you stole $185 from a passed out drunk indian on your porch and called the ambulance??
savin' lives aint cheap
My mom came into my room and told me to flip off the tv. I gave it the middle finger. Note to self: STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT
I only gave you my number because I thought fat people were jolly
So do you want to come over? ;)
Never again opening up the Pandora's box of crazy that is your vagina. Sorry.
24 hour fitness called offering me a free trial stating that you referred them to me. I told them you have been taking pics of naked guys in the locker room and selling them online.
That's not a bad idea, actually...
The only reason I kept his number in my phone for so long is so that hed pay for my abortion.
So guess who had sex in a Ghostbusters sleeping bag.
So chef boyardee smells exactly the same after you throw it up
i literally discovered the exact same thing last week. i had the lasagna one
ravioli
she just announced that once she was paid to deep throat a light saber with a mint flavored condom on it. i'm speechless.
your brother is wearing shin guards in the swimming pool. i have a feeling that this happens often
Something smells like weed and I think it might be my mascara. Come sniff my eyes
I dressed up as a breathalyzer test for Halloween; never had so many straight dudes blow me before!
How do we stop her downward spiral?
Wine. For us.
Just told my shrink " this was a year for whoring around"
I just asked him what would happen if my boobs fought crime. I think I'm cut off.
Randomize
