I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
Riding home in a carseat. Worst. Night. Ever.
did you violate me with a mr sketch marker when i passed out? i just peed and wiped purple and it smelled like grape. i need to get to the bottom of this...
all she had left on were here heels. phone five
My dealer threw in a "freestyle rap" today with my purchase. I dont know if I can handle this relationship.
Fell down a spiral staircase. Et tu vodka. Et tu.
I found this letter on my leg this morning "dear sober self- we are one body now. It's weird but get used to it because it already happened" who the fuck is lionman?
My god this is going to ruin whatever Vegas left of our souls...
I AM CRUING IT IS 93:2 AM AND I AM CYGIN INT BED
Its not that it wasnt fun. Its just I got a tooth knocked out and that was my second time being arrested this year
I wish we could all take a bath together. Not in a lesbian way. But in a relaxing drunk in the tub sort of way.
Yeah he drove 30 minutes at 3 AM to come fuck me in my neighbors treehouse
You know shit got weird when you watched another guy shove drugs up your wife's ass and it wasn't awkward for any of us....
I will find, mount, and marry that person.
One can only be this extremely wet once a year and I feel like I'm bitch slapping god by not using this gift he has bestowed on me.
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