his facebook status quotes britney spears so there is always that
Life lesson: Don't give a drunk girl a dutch oven after having taco bell. She puked all over my pillow. Funny as hell though.
i just ate two sandwiches and am debating booty calling my landlord
Gross thing of the day...i got cum in my new boots
She went off on a twilight/new moon tangent before we even got back to my room. i had to jump the ship and pretended to pass out on the sidewalk.
He just slept in my bed for a couple hours and asked lots of questions about gay sex. No, I do not have his number.
i just was bootyclappin in front of homeless men in a back alley
It's not that I'm in love with her, so much as I would love to be her lesbian experience.
Liz is crying about burritos again.
Remind me in the morning that I've now seen a guy do crack. That actually happened. I'm at the wrong party.
She deserves a chance to suck my penis. This is America. Its her God given right.
It was just...long. I started around 2. And I think i went to bed around 2. So 12 straight hours? I remember a milkshake and frozen grapes.
But seriously I don't know. I haven't seen her since I gave her back her 3 blind mice stick, and she just started hitting everybody with it.
A girl in McDonalds just asked if I was in here wasted a few nights ago throwing fries at the staff, I said it was my twin
We both know that wasn't me
I peed on his bed and he still likes me. #keeper
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