So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
Fun Fact: The stage were about to graduate on is where we once drove a van and kidnapped someone.
Fun Fact 2: My parents are sitting by the bushes I peed in this weekend.
So help me Jesus we're never drinking together again. But weekends don't count. Amen.
There's a stoned dwarf chilling in the basement here. Maybe there are redeemable qualities about this place.
I haven't seen her in ages, how is she?
Well I woke up next to her this morning so I guess I would say she could be doing better
Do you have any pix of it limp? I wanna see the metamorphosis, like a cock caterpillar turning into a giant beautiful cock butterfly!
if all that ever happens for the rest of forever is drinking wine and eating popcorn, ill be okay
driving home I had the GPS in one hand and puking in the coffee cup
So no more sangria road trips?
Just streaked campus for a bottle of patron...maybe you're right...I might have a drinking problem...
I just love that a strip club has taco Tuesday.
Girl you know I'm an advocate of debauchery but you might wanna check yoself.
Omg my orgasm just made the fucking sun come out. Clearly my libido controls the weather now.
He kept telling me my vagina was a pleasure cave... I ended up just taking it as a complimetn
I had sex on a seadoo on the middle of the lake lastnight
Is there a subtle way to tell him he needs to hydrate? 8 years of yoga and kegels. He has no idea what I’m going to do to him this weekend
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