no, I didn't make it. Instead, i watched VH1 for... 13 hours? I use the question mark because I was using Flavor Flav's clocks to tell time after the first 3 hours.
just had a dream there were parent teacher conferences in college...scariest dream ever.
Drunk sex destroyed my coffee table... ikea this weekend?
Ask if he wants his tooth back. It's in the freezer. In the box of hotpockets.
Whiskey shot with bacon bits, our version of Goldschlager WE ARE TRYIN IT.
It's probably just the physical manifestation of slut karma. But i of course mean that in the kindest way possible because i love you and respect your choices
After Thursday my breakup "don't screw anybody out of respect" month will be over and I will be set loose. My pussy is purring with anticipation.
They set the pop up pool in the basement-running filter and all. Drunk swimming. Come now.
Sadly him cutting me out of the duct tape dress was NOT the most awkward part of the night. It was a littleeee moist under there.....
'Well you know, stuff happens' isn't really an excuse for sticking a cheeto in my ear
No one likes a giant penis on their phone screen. I mean cmon. I'm a lady.
Totally clawed myself in the face during sex. I can die happy?
I can't wait for you to tell me about your sex.
It's a short, short story.
well i blew him then my wife blew him, so im guessing we'll be seeing him around, yeah
Definitely went to court without a bra and panties because Mr. LastNight’s dog stole them. I guarantee you I was the only lawyer going commando in court
Randomize
