I was taking a piss and started puking. I pissed myself and made a mess in the bathroom. Passed out, then got up and went back out from 11pm to 5am.
I changed 4 diapers and slept horribly in our hot apt. Now, I'm at my inlaws house watching the Rangers get pummeled. Oh how our lives differ.
You look like a girl that would like strip clubs
His facebook says he is a fan of "underwater handjobs"
Eliza got arrested. What's the protocol on eating an arrested person's sandwich?
At least they aren't charging us for the broken diving board...
omg he fucking fingered me this morning. and i was just like this is the most awkward alarm clock ive ever had
We sang "Whole New World" in harmony and he spun me around. You may now barf from the cuteness.
Is it bad of me to apply as a night shift counselor at a boys orphanage purely because of how laid that would get me at bars?
Who was the person who brought the rooster when they won @ beer pong
Before getting out of the car, she said "Thanks for getting me off." I like how polite she is.
WHEN JENDA BENDA THE DRAG QUEEN TELLS YOU TO RUN, YOU RUN, BITCH!!!
Went to the lab to print and realized the guy next to me was the one we stole all the beer from last night..... Oops
I woke up naked with a duck on my head. I think something went horribly wrong.
Why r u in my phone under "the last survivor"?
And by "I love him" I mean "I want his tongue down my throat.
Randomize
