so then you didnt wanna fuck tonight right?
oops, you werent supposed to get that until you left.
so how does one go about finding a summer fling?
take advantage of an intern
a chick just tried to cover her fart by sneezing. it didn't work
Just got Netflix. Dexter Marathon. Still in my PJ's. Only eaten cookie dough and drinking a 40. I have never reeked so strongly of lonely .
I gotta stop tellin complete strangers at the bar that they're the godparents to my first born
We lit firecrackers from NYE in the fireplace and he was so passed out that he slept through it.
I can't wait for round whatever # we're on tonight.
i wish his balls had a scratch and sniff sticker elsewhere so i would know before i even went down there
The only reason I'd ever want a boyfriend is so that someone would spoon feed me applesauce when I'm so hungover I can't move
That commercial was clearly aspirational. I think Arbor Mist would pair nicely with Oscar Meyer
You strapped the bucket of KFC into the carseat and refused to let me drive over 20 miles per hour the whole ride home. That high.
I was unconscious Saturday for like 6 hours after I passed out on the sidewalks of our nation's capital. Thank you America, for bottomless brunch.
that's the second time I've made out with him and woken up with my pants stuffed with PBRs I am convinced he's magic
I love how when he said ecstasy pills both of our heads whipped around like a couple of horned owls.
I resent the implication of a jizz addiction
Randomize
