Dude ! Why is there vomit with whole pieces of sushi in the shower when the toilet is not more than 2 feet away ? btw you need to chew your food better,
made out with the bouncer to distract him from how illegitimate my fake id is.
Well, think of it this way, if this were 200 years ago your father would have received the most goats in all the village for your fertile loins. Think about that.
At the ER. Dropped bottle lead to cut foot which led to me drunk hitting on doctors. Not going well.
Its what happens when I drink whiskey in a sweater. It makes me feel mature and ponderful.
Printed off fake 'Producer' Sundance badges for us. Pretty sure they double as free passes for getting laid by 'actresses'. Testing this theory tonight.
I.V.'s should just be available for purchase at Walmart. God I'm dehydrated.
I guess I'm just gonna have to learn to live with the fact that I'm the guy who takes his pants off at the party and tries to start an orgy
Geez don't go to a bar for a few days and everyone freaks out.
Then he said,"I love you like a sister I like to have sex with."
you just won the triple crown of sex! your prize is more sex.
I literally woke up walked into the bathroom, threw up and died this morning. Then went to my 8am.
Is it bad I have to get shitty ass drunk on a Monday night because I can't adult?
I should not be able to sum up my life with a taco brand motto...
You know shits really hit the fan when you start using public bathroom air freshener spray as perfume
what? where are you?
Randomize
