I want to see you every morning in the kitchen ass naykid on roller blades making pancakes.
Stop sending me these texts. This is your mom, not your girlfriend.
The only pictures he has from one of the biggest football weekends is an album titled "I miss my dog" filled with tons of pictures of his dog and him. This relationship must end.
if by 'bottleservice' you mean 'bringing beers in my purse' then yes, we are.
I opened my browser to a doctor page titled "serious pain under left side of ribcage". Last night must have been healthy.
found a naked boy completely buried under a pile of her clothes and terrified...she says she was "saving him for later"
so im decorating easter eggs with my family and my mom is writing "Jesus is risen" and "God loves you!" on the eggs. i wrote things like "I'm naked!" and "there are drugs in these eggs!" on mine.
Just made everyone at my party download the vuvuzela app for iPhone, the neighbors absolutely HATE us
I am nonfunctional stoned. I had to ask ben to put me somewhere away from all the people I'm sitting on someones bed watching a wall. Not alright. Should not have come.
Yah at one point i was listening to metallica and doing pushups last night. I went thru alot of emotions.
This is NOT the time to take our hits and go to Disney. Let me repeat that. NOT THE TIME FOR DISNEY ON ACID
At the start of the night I was all 'come at me universe' and three hours later I was ordering an extra large pizza in bed in the dress I had gone out in. Well played universe.
You threw a shot glass at the bartender and still managed to convince him to let us drink more. You are my hero.
I'm trying to poop and took acid, this is going to end horrid or wonderful. Oh the amusement park, not the pooping.
Oh, and one of the worst parts... his name was Mario. I fucked a Nintendo character.
My book, "How to Live With a Huge Penis" was delivered today. Can't wait to read it in public.
Randomize
