I like it. Barfy the gin-flavoured Assman
I just found a bottle of gin in my vegetable crisper. Party is back on.
So i know you wont get this until you land, but if i'm late its cause i was having sex. being blunt and hope that explains things.
Theres a fat guy wearing a speedo. Someone just got puked on, and didnt even react. Whats happening?
Remember the girl passed out in front of my fireplace?
found a cell phone. in the freezer. wrapped in bologna. explain?
I wasn't going to take him home until I heard "hung like a water buffalo" then curiosity got the best of me.
Dear future Eric, sorry about the Everclear. Sincerely, Eric +2 shots E.C.
I need to stop getting in the car with my dad when im rolling balls. I think he's starting to notice my eyes aren't usually completely pupil
I think I met somebody from your birthday this past weekend. He said I held a push up contest outside the bar and told them I would make out with the winner. He said he won..
I'm just going to take a nap and hope I wake up more attractive.
Lady at the airport across from me just pulled a cat out of her bag. can't deal with this right now..
I'm glad I didn't see Grandma stumbling drunk and peeing herself...it would be like seeing my future.
Your friend was nice but you didn't have to bang her in my kitchen...just sayin.
This is the most aggressive rendition of that Proclaimers song I ever heard.
Randomize
