why im i the only drunk person in the library?
If I had a nickel for every time my parents threatened to stop paying tuition I would be a very rich man. Rich enough to pay my own tuition.
Yeah getting kicked out of the bar at 1 pm really set the tone for the day.
There are rocks in my bed. And dirt all over my face. Explain?
I just woke up from quarter beer tuesdays wearing 3 pairs of underwear, none of which are the ones I left wearing...2 Around my waist and one around my shoulder in an attempt at a bra. At least drunk me tries to be decent?
she just nodded and said "yeah, I'd fuck him for a reese's peanut butter cup". it's so nice to know I'm not the biggest whore living here
Currently at a fetish club with a set of swings (don't ask). Having flashbacks to the park by my house
there are no losers in shot checkers. only winners.
Well, we 69'd in the Jacuzzi. If that tells you the kind of night I had. Neither of us knew we could hold our breath that long. Deff. Most. Dangerous. Sex. Ever.
When the dude you brought home from the bar on Thanksgiving leaves before you wake up ... #thankful
Lol woke up with mangoes in bed with me
I woke up next to him with nothing on and my thong around his neck. I just put my clothes on and left, but he still has my thong.
He passed out in my car.
What's the problem?
HE'S STILL IN MY FUCKING CAR.
I just had mom give me advice about how and where to store my lube in my shower. It was super awkward. Of course, she also walked in on me masturbating once so I guess turnabout is fair play
Congrats, you are the first person our bartender ever met that actually needed wheeled out of a bar in a wheelchair. He said you were his hero.
Randomize
