so he expects you to be his vegas whore for the season. nice.
...you put a chicken patty in my toaster last night..
it was my 21st birthday. took an old mans walker so i could stay till last call. reasonable right?
I've decided to turn your sobriety into a reason for me to be able to drink more.
But she tried her best to break my penis, so she has a few free passes with me
My nipple ring got caught on the rug again. Tequila makes me unlearn these things
The world isn't going to end because you slept with him!
... that would be easier though.
He pulled his pants down and said blow me, while passing out on my bed. I then pulled his pants up as he continuously started moaning in the background.
Also, I imagined that his bacne was bubblewrap and that made it much more tolerable
sitting alone on a bench with a sombrero and a bottle of vodka. really angry i got here before you guys.
We didn't want to make a pit stop so I just helped my husband pee in a bottle. No one told me this was part of love.
Did you go to church in Texas and sign me up?
You need southern Jesus
As I came the Sportcenter app played that "dah nuh nuh" chime. Top ten life highlight?
Sometimes intelligent conversation doesn't mix well with a romantic interest. It's possible the two are best kept separate. Toys should just stay in the toy box.
I'm having a hard time eating my sandwich knowing how many different buttholes my hands were in last night.
Randomize
