Pretty people don't get stds, I knew it
So for two years my friend Mark has been building a catapult in his basement. Yesterday he realized it's too big to get it out.
You need to give me a reason immediately why he is your friend.
Can I sleep on your couch? My wife just found my eHarmony account.
You dont understand he had a split tongue thats bucket list worthy.
I swear, if he gets me a bowling ball for Christmas, I will throw it at him.
Wingman of the year award. I made out with her gay roommate in order for you to get laid. Better have been good.
The gay roommate was probably better than her. Consider yourself lucky.
I'm a college student and my dad gets more ass than I do..... do you see a problem here?
At Walgreens. I'm getting condoms and a bottle of water so that I'm not "just getting condoms". I don't think I'm fooling anyone though.
It's the happiest looking penis I've ever seen. It should have a top hat and a spectacle on and soft shoe across the room with a cane. He's a cheery little feller.
Fuck you asshole. You cost me cheerleader pussy.
I just made a drug deal 100% through snap chat
I made everyone scream the national anthem with me after playing true American last night. I'm pretty much their leader now.
seriously the second he called my tits warlocks was the second I knew I wasn't going to fuck him.
I hope you get a lego stuck in your dickhole
Well start with a list of things you don't want to do... Like maybe 1) I don't want join Isis. That's a good start.
Randomize
