The shirt is mine, the pants are mine, the bra not so much
Where are I am going home with Ryan
I don't know who this or Ryan is but it is probably too late to talk you out of it
it was like brushing your tongue but with a fucking long toothbrush.
i just realized i dont have a sober facebook picture since 2007
Fuck morning classes and our weekday drinking habits.
This is like the time you took a picture of your knees and told him it was your tits, isn't it?
I don't care if I just threw up. You kiss me now. This is marriage.
I think I've had 45 beers today though So things are looking up.
So you told me to remind you that you vomited 3 times in the street because you would forget so here is your reminder
Adding to the list of things I have said out loud at the bar that I shouldn't have: "I am the yoda of sucking dick"
i'm eating pizza lunchables and telling my boyfriend he can do better than me because i am a functional adult
Do you remember when you first moved into my parents house with me and we came home to find that my dad bolted the headboard to the wall
I did just chug a pint glass of wine during a solid round of masterbation, so I believe I am ready for bingo.
Currently standing at the bus stop in just a pillowcase and its fucking snowing
all i remember is walking home without my pants on... when i woke up i was sleeping in between my parents in their bed, no more whiskey wednesdays
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