I wish I could donate my sober boners to my whiskey dick
I feel like I'm sitting in a sleigh of puddy. It's not a bathtub though because you need a sleigh to go down a mountain.
I think it's a friendship ring and the other part is on his cats collar
Never again. I promise. My old gay body can't handle that much adrenaline twice.
He's more than prepared to help us move. Dude brought sunscreen, cans of Coke, and Captain Morgan.
Nothing like puking into an empty cooler at a red light on the way to get plan b.
If I had that in my pants Omg I would want a shirt made so everyone knew
Embrace your curves. Cuz we're too poor for a coke habit.
I still think he fell and scraped his elbow and lost his credit card buying 8 hot chocolates for hobos
Some girl dressed in nothing but Wonder Woman underwear and a cape on her ass just started twerking all over us. Remind me why I'd never been to a midnight of Rocky horror before?
That moment when you realize the hot british guy named rory you drunkenly made out with at a bar is American, is named Tyler, and has a girlfriend.
I Woke up still tied to the bed. I would say, it was a good night!
Woke up from a black out in a strangers Jeep without phone, shoes, or wallet.
Yea.. And you'll love me a whole lot more when I start letting my vagina make all the decisions..
Please come pick up your twin. She's tap dancing in her underwear and that's not how you want yourself represented.
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