if there werent so many compromising pictures of me in the hands of so many liberal friends, id consider going into politics
hey, here's something you don't have worry about since you're a girl: finding crusty cum in your bellybutton.
three words: i give head
three words: not that well
I guess you can say it's a tradition... whoever brings home the ugliest guy has to do all the cleaning the next day
i just realized i put more money and effort into 420 then i did for christmas
One of two things would happen: He'd love it, or you'd get a restraining order.
do you find it slutty that the last person I had sex with is also the person who sings my ringtone ?
Just think Febushuary. A whole month of 70's esque bush! This is the dream
Well I met my booty call's parents by accident, so that happened.
Nothing like putting a Percocet up your nose because you spent your night drinking heavily and can't drink water to make you heavily reconsider your life choices
I almost stopped mid bj to let him know I appreciated his balls being nice to look at/have my face near. But I didn't know if that would ruin, or improve the moment.
Seriously, you just banged the guy that wishes his dog happy birthday on fb. That's fucking adorable!
I made an executive decision to rename my Resume file to something other than MONEYMONEYMONEY.
If I get back to the house before you, I'm setting up the swing. If you get there before me, it's chains and cuffs.
If she didn't have scissors in her hand I would have motor boated the fuck out of her when she was done cutting my hair.
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