So how come you never look me in the eyes anymore when we make love?
My kitchen smells like failed pina coladas.
Court Ordered Rehab!!! Do you think I'll need a swimsuit?
she sounds like chewbacca in bed
I was so high I thought there were pigeons in my room. Long story short there are now donut crumbs all around my bedroom.
Dude we need to petition the city about running buses later, none of my booty calls own cars
Dude she has the ugliest blow job face ever.
In the future let's not drunk dive in the fountain in front of the hotel bar.
i know and i thought i was only capable of loving dick and drugs, im so happy
I know that was a dream because I woke up and there was no pizza
The hookers weren't a dream get tested
She said pants are for pussies while spooning peanut butter onto her frosted flakes with a serving spoon. She's not even high yet.
well, at the moment I'm sleeping in someone's closet in a buzzlightyear snuggie, so I can't judge,
come home. i made deep-fried hotdogs; don't let me die alone.
I feel like shit, and I can't get the band aids off my nipples.
You have to commit to sexting. You can't just quit right after I send you pictures of my asshole.
Seriously, come on.
I feel like there's a picture of my ass on the internet right now.
I hate you.
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