There is a guy standing at my bar right now wearing an affliction SUIT. I can't wait on him.
You were so high at Ikea last night that you were convinced you could speak Swedish. The whole the time you were our navigator and when we got to the cashier you were hitting on the lady. When she gave you her number you told her you were saving her number as Inglfurfta cuaue she must be swedish since she works there.
Our teacher totally just got outed in class by a speaker from some lesbian cooperative house
You threw up with your ski mask on still.
They have 12 kegs and 40 bottles of liquor and a pool with a diving board. And hardly anyone at this wedding knows me. Should be a great night
He was dressed up as Jesus and had vodka in one hand while he was blessing everyone and splashing them with holy water in the bathroom.
Is it rude to ask for an autograph after giving him a blowjob in their hotel's hot tub?
If we don't rescue him from the fat chick soon, she is going to eat him alive and suck the marrow from his bones.
Probably TMI here but I just rubbed one out while listening to thunderstruck, almost ripped my dick off.
We have a little not a lot. We already rolled a blunt and named him Ron.
If I just skip sleeping, does hangover still happen? Gonna try it. Will report back. StTAND BY
That makes sense.. A good Bj is a trump card in any argument
He took my Spanx off and still fucked me twice. I call that success.
Puking out the window is really hard when you're the one driving.
I think we have some hyper-understanding of each other when drunk, because looking back at our text convo from last night, they were literally just jumbled letters.
Randomize
