I'm gonna get wrecked tn I might have to keep my phone at home cause I'm sure ill send you really weird txts
so how does one go about finding a summer fling?
take advantage of an intern
If it wasnt for my iphone and loopt, I would still be wandering the streets in a drunken stooper. Thanks Steve Jobs.
His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
I'm not even planning on drinking that much tonight.. but I'm writing "emergency contact number" and your number on my hand just in case
just got super drunk mixing jägermeister with my lyme disease meds. even if my face goes paralyzed, at least i got smashed from it.
i literally paused in the middle of it, turned on my light, pointed to the picture netxt to my bed and go "you hooked up with my roommate too!!! AWWW!" he was so weirded out. i don't think he understands the relationship we have..we share..
i remember getting really pissed off when you wouldn't let me sleep in the garage with your cat.
On my way home I stopped at target and bought beer and galoshes. I am a planner.
We're gonna go drive around campus and throw water balloons at all the drunk bitches wobbling around, wanna come?
Sleeping in a car was not on my list of plans for the night.
Hey, I'm just seeing how you're doing and letting you know I fucked your dad last night. Don't fuck with me.
Also I will be receiving my own bra in the mail because I left it at his place, woops
just so you know. the medical term for period cramps is mettelschmerz.
glad to know something that causes such misery in my life has such a laughable name.
So chicken strips and confidence do not you make you sober.
Randomize
