Life lesson: if you fart while talking to a girl outside, the smell does not dissipate, it just lingers around mocking you
she looks like someone took a bunch of spare parts and glued them all on one face. it's quite horrifying.
i knew she was high when she broke up the cookies into her glass of milk and ate it like cereal
just took my abortion antibiotic with my martini. i no longer wonder how i got into this situation.
The lack of respect you have for your penis baffles me. I'd rather rub my ball sack on public toilet seats than stick my dick in some of those girls.
A simple 'no' would have sufficed
I sent out a mass text that said "margaritas for Jesus?" and nobody responded, worst Easter ever.
Just used your umbrella as a puke sheild. Thanks man.
I've spent more money on drugs for bonnaroo than my actual ticket. Proudly.
They want me to get them some X for there wedding present. I'm on the way to get it now
Sometimes I think I have so much sex with you to be sure you're actually straight.
It's gay softball weekend. Lots of hot gay strangers to go home with.
I got custody of our girlfriend in the breakup.
I'll bring your "congrats on finally banging" cookies tomorrow, I'm exhausted.
I may or may not have spent student loan money on a vibrator, that falls under living expenses right?
god i just can't wait for finals to end so i can just masturbate all day and night
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