are you wasted or are you getting laid?
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wow
The world would be so much better with thought bubbles.
two more shots til everyone in this club gets to see my cesarean scars.
he wanted to have sex on the little rocking chair but i was too high to figure out how to do that so we did it on the floor.
So two questions...why am I covered in muffins and are there pictures of this.
me and my mom are sitting in the bank parking lot drying my beer soaked check with the heat... the whole car smells like heinekin and I'm trying to convince her I don't need a.a.
It was like god placed me in his bed and said," here's your shot girl. Don't mess this up." And I looked at god and laughed in his face.
Have your arms or hands ever gone numb after drinking too much?
Wtf did you do last night?
I actively tried geting in the guy's pants and ended up in the girl's. I'm bad at this whole straight while drunk thing.
Do you have any pictures of me mounting animals that aren't on Facebook?
And if I could both stabilize myself *and* pick things up with my penis... Well, I wouldn't be on the fire dept...
I just heard your voicemail. Glad you like my dick and think I'm cool
I know you saw me get knocked out after I stepped on that rake why did you leave me there
I cannot lay down. I will throw up my life and your life and the class hamster I had in third grade.
I just watched videos of people getting puppies and crying, I cried too. Definitely still drunk
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