you insisted on breathalizing me with a inhaler.
Just watched Hilary Duff have a three-some on Gossip Girl...all I could imagine was that LIzzie Maguire cartoon girl freaking out above their heads
I swear to god he's a one man village people.
I found out what happened to that girls weave last night. It was draped over a bush in my backyard.
She said my dick tasted like a junior mint. Ive decided im using this soap the rest of my life
we were running to make last call and you stopped me and said very seriously "if i fall, go on without me. just make sure theres a beer in my hand when you go"
I should have considered my snorting capabilities before breaking my nose
You disappeared for an hour and showed back up with handfuls of bratwursts and yelled at my girlfriend that if she didn't eat them, that the nazis win
To my ex and my favorite mistake: I totally enjoyed hearing you have erectile disfunction via baby monitor!
Your grammar in that last text message was so awful.. My vagina wants to go crawl in a hole, and never speak to you again.
I was just asked if I wanted to struggle snuggle. She's a keeper
SO EXCITED ABOUT STRING CHEESE RIGHT NOW
Congratulations! You can now legally do that thing you said you never do again!
THANKS! I'M SO EXCITED TO NOT DO THE THING
OMG YOU GO OUT AND NOT DO THAT THING, GIRL! I SUPPORT YOU 100%!!!
Don't worry you weren't as drunk as you thought. You only fell 4 times.
How long until you're healed?
Physically? A week or so. Emotionally? The scars of dislocating my knee at a frat and flashing my panties to the whole crowd wi never heal.
Randomize