i'm in the guys across the halls apartment. i think 7 MIP guy wants me. he just got a medical marijuana card. might be worth it.
Sunburnt clitoris. How do I deal with it.
Well yes but because of that incident i now salute to truck drivers
My ex came to my place while I was gone. Random things he took: snow shoes, my laundry quarters, a decorative picture, all my condiments, the container that held my rice and a sticker off my wallet. Then left a note saying he watered my plants and fed my cats. What. The. Fuck.
I gave him head and we watched Fashion Police. somehow it wasn't awkard.
she vomitted in her champagne, said "fuck it, it's new years", and continued drinking.
Either I'm drunk or judge Judy has 3D commercials...so I think I'm drunk. Also I may or may not haven eaten a hoagie on the toilet when I didn't want to stand up
I'm convinced my penis is the only thing holding this relationship together.
Was there a Canadian at your party or did I dream that?
Would you like season tickets to my vagina?
Mostly i might never get belligerent again because im gonna have to keep track of a diamond ring.
We really gotta change brands again because 2-ply is making us feel like the celebrities we aren't.
I want to tell you your future: you're going to be having sex
He literally said, while inside me, "I would smack your ass but I don't want to wake my mom up". Amazing.
You told me not to tell you found out you're pregnant..
Randomize
