Wow that girl who lives a couple houses down is going out wearing butterfly wings a skirt and fishnets
Question for you. Are boobs and hands polarly charged, thus causing the inevitable joining of the two. If so are some breasts simply charged backwards
Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
just woke up. wallet empty. bottle empty. tattoo in pen on my arm. smell like bad sex. woke up alone. and wall-e is playing on my computer. need answers.
I am midnight drunk by noon
If I threw up, how do I still have the same piece of gum in my mouth from the beginning of the night?
Well Its not like I planned having my potato launcher explode and burn off my eyebrow and eye lashes.. I still have my right eyebrow can't u just be happy?
BRILLIANT IDEA: In honor of summer olympics we need to start a synchronized drinking team.
the whole bar just wished me luck with my booty call tonight
I should make a collage of all the pictures of me caught doing slutty things
I should never be allowed to dance around children at weddings. I think I just insured that a 4 year old will be a future teen mom.
We should. Taco Bell definitely gives me the shits though.
It's girls night. No shame, just febreeze
I have successfully trained your dog to bring me pudding cups!
Remember that guy that walked around our house naked with a boner wearing nothing but his winter coat? Well, he has a kid now.
FIVE TIMES AND I HAVENT GOTTEN OFF ONCE
literally yelled NOOOO right before he finished .. yelled “five times and I still haven’t gotten off” when he was still inside me ..
Said “don’t worry I’ll get myself off tomorrow” to top it all off
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