So I've been thinking a lot since she told me she's prego. But what I want to know is why my voice of reason sounds like Thomas fucking Jane!?
it turns out jennifers body is not good to beat off to. yeah its megan fox but when she pukes up blood = goodbye boner
gonna sleep on the stairs... to drunk to keep going up, way to drunk to go down, gonna find a comfy spot right here... its safer that way
I know. They started calling me The Incident. The hotel maids, that is.
We've already decided our costumes for next Halloween. She's going as Cookie Monster and I'm going as Elmo. She's just going to ask for Oatmeal Cookie shots, and I'm asking for Red-Headed Slut shots.
Dude, its January.
We're going to do the voices too.
You know your in for a great weekend when you buy the booze already in crutches
get over here soon, theyre throwing bbeers at us from the roof. keyword : throwing
I JUST SAW A SIGN LANGUAGE CATFIGHT
I honestly can't remember your justification for putting peanut butter on your cell phone.
Oh god. Just tried to hail a pizza delivery car. Awkward.
International sake day = success
Ryan Reynolds is on sesame street right now. Dressed as a letter A but still sexy as fuck. PBS is so considerate of the stay at home mom.
I woke up this morning with a text from my mom as to why the hell random people were showing up at the house. Turns out nobody came to our house party because I gave them my old address, fuck pre-partying for real
I should not be this drunk in a place where a girl is wearing a princess dress
I threw your vagina at him like a grenade. And sweet Jesus he caught it like a champ
Put down the Captain Crunch and get over here. It’s a dickfest!!
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