You and I should start a club for people who woke up on outside on a bench with no idea how they got there.
4 maple syrup blunts. Decided to sit on my roof and count the snowflakes that landed on my tongue. 84.
No, dude. Even Jesus hates Creed.
Last night when I was hammered I set a reminder to tell you that your boobs are my favorite ones in the world, so this is me giving you that message.
I hate it when she philosophizes drunkenly on my kitchen counter. not even sober do i understand latin.
Im at the zoo right now high out of my mind and feel as if the animals are watching me and Im the one in a cage.
its impossible for me to find something that fits my tits my muffin top and my ass all at the same time
she said my body looked tiny like it was a bad thing and then didn't even mention how great my tits look. it's like we're not even friends.
So apparently the christmas orgy was a complete disaster
he needs to stop knowing everyone on campus...it's making cheating on him really difficult.
Can I send you a picture of my penis? I feel like it looks really good right now and I need someone to share it with
I just saw a girl drinking wine and walking her dog in footie pajamas and a mad hatter hat. First day of the new year and I think I'm in love.
I feel like you should put up a missed connections ad for this..
You drink too much. You cuss too much. You have questionable morals. You're everything I've ever wanted in a friend.
I just turned down a booty call because I'm having a Star Wars movie marathon
You like pics of my balls that much?
I am at the store looking at frames as we text...
Randomize
