How, after 24 years of life, did I manage to revisit breastmilk
I wish there was a morning after pill that made you instantly sober
she was trying to give me a handjob in biology class while we were learning about the penis.
So I purposely left a bunch of metal in my pockets so that the smokin hot TSA officer would give me a pat down. Airport security just got fun
I am going to get arrested. I am yelling fuck repeatedly, wearing a Bird jersey and polka dot pants while pounding wine. Amazing mug shot to follow.
they pretty much knew i was there to get drunk and fuck their daughter
We're going to catch a squirrel this summer
I vaguely remember stopping for a bag of bugles and some lube and then I woke up this morning with melted chocolate on my hands. I think I love him
Yeah man it sucked balls. People on the bus probably thought I was fucking crazy. I was fetal position, taking up two seats with no shame whilst simultaneously panting.
he came to me for relationship advice and we ended up fucking in my backseat
It was like 10 tiny penises being shoved in my vagina.
Plus my fingers were hella swollen from eating all these cured meats so it was like I was given it to her with Hulk Hands on
He has a beach house and a Simba tattoo. Our wedding is next Tuesday, hope you're free.
I didn't even get crazy off of the coke so everything's fine. Also, I think I might have killed my aunt's dog..
We were peeing side by side on the riverbank together and I felt like nothing brings you closer than drunken riverbank urinating so I caught her a friendship frog to wipe with since we left the tp in the canoe.
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