My only options right now are Herpes, Gay, or Vanilla.
You can't use the, "think about your future" line when trying to convince me to save some weed for tomorrow.
I woke up this morning peeing out bubbles . I smell like baby wash . What the hell happened .
When you wake up in your dorm right outside your room with the key in the door, then you will understand my pain.
Do you remember Kelly my alter personality? She talked like a man and would sing amazing grace?
My halloween constume SCREAMS "Hey i just got done with a shitty relationship and I'm DTF"
She started puking and I started running and I swear to god there was a wave of vomit chasing me down the stairs.
Successfully masturbated while balancing on an exercise ball. my greatest accomplishment?
Probably
My only positive piece of news is that my roommate is moving home for the summer, so our stress-relief sex will be much easier to get away with.
it was good, but also weird. like, i came four times and then cried weird.
She just won 2 Grammys at 17 and were sitting here hotboxing our half bathroom
when in doubt, mount your coworker in the staff room.
What was I even doing in 2010?! I feel like that's a question I should be able to type into the Facebook Search bar
He doesn't understand the concept of a strip club. He keeps falling in love
Because, after all, nothing quite says life in 2020 than doing laundry at 9:40 on a Friday morning to make sure you have masks and underwear.
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