I thought it couldn't get worse until she said "Nipple hair"
Just dropped $150 at the liquor store. No power and two feet of snow has taken my alcoholism to another level.
Hey I never found my wallet but i did find a bag of 14 soft taco supremes
I have your wallet. Trade you for the tacos.
We're sitting in his room writing songs about America. There's a verse about a dead dog. There's tequila everywhere.
I'm the fucking queen of sexting. I just made a blowjob sound so poetic I'm wishing I were a guy just so I could blow me. Learn from me.
Hey is there a picture of me in a trash can on your phone?
they need to invent a card that reads "thanks for all those boners you gave me that you did NOTHING about"
the lesbians just got naked and went into the ocean... this never happened when i was a camper.
if i ever get hit by a car or something and become paralyzed promise me youll still be here to hand feed me shots and light my bowls please
didn't realize her mom was home while we were fucking, but she's oddly okay with it. she made us food afterwards. but then kept talking about having grand kids the whole time. is it time to bail?
WHY IS IT FROWNED UPON THE DRESS UP IN CAT COSTUMES AND SIT OUTSIDE OF BARS WITH A BOX OF WINE I THOUGHT THIS WAS AMERICA
pls come tAke this super bath no romo it's just. so nice.
Curing hangovers with more alcohol was a great idea for the first five days
Are we planning this because I am online looking for places with a Mechanical bull
If this adventure is going to get us arrested it'll have to wait until Wednesday so that I can bail myself out.
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