I want to give you a handjob with my mouth.
so... how was it???
he had bart simpson sheets. he had itunes on shuffle and "don't worry be happy" started playing when he took his boxers off. sad to say i was neither worried nor happy
youll never guess who i didnt fuck at that party
is it considered a "problem" when you find a pickle slice in your bed in the morning or is it like a "super-awesome bonus"?
Sometimes, when I pour the powdered creamer in my coffee I like to pretend it's Colombian grade cocaine.
That's the kind of morning coffee a girl could welcome the day with.
two drunk chicks are talking to me about reinacting 2girls1cup
ill bring the camera dont start without me
I ate a lot of your sunchips. I mean a lot. Like 4 to 5 bags.
You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg.
Darwin at his finest.
The bottle I was drinking out of splintered on the bottom, there was glass in my hand, I pulled it out with my teeth... Not the best night for Drunk Kevin
No one intentionally makes bad decisions, just errors in judgement. You have your boyfriend I have a restraining order from universal studios. It's all relative
i never thought i could drink so much vodka in 8 minutes
I had to puke in a ditch beside a cow pasture and like 50 cows just stood there and watched. I could feel the judgment.
You don't have to have sex with both if us but I would like a little positive fucking regard.
Sorry for all the snapchats, I wanted you to feel like u were in America getting plastered with me
She stood up through my sunroof the entire drive home. screaming her ass off and singing free falling..
Randomize
