they just started talking about wanting to bang stephanie tanner from full house
i'm so high i feel like the people i'm chatting with online can some how see that i'm naked.
There's a show on the Discovery Channel about T-Rex sex. I think this just made my life.
I'm drinking margaritas out of a soup mug, of course I'm going to get wasted
he had a blacklight sublime poster, of course i had to do him.
all i could think was her face looked like a farm accident
I hope there's a soldier with a Bedazzler just going to town right now.
I want to die. Marc and I were making out in the hallway and fell into a fire hose in a glass case. It shattered everywhere. Everyone thought we fell out a window. I think I have glass in my back. Awesome.
Giving my coworkers lap dances cuz it was my turn to decide our team bonding exercise. Go happy hour!
yyyea i think im gonna go get a bowl and play skyrim. And by bowl i mean something i can throw up in, not weed
Nothing says I love you as your fiancé bringing back home your drunk brother from his own stag party
Is it rude to send him a, "happy birthday, I hope you finally get an STD" text?
I'm like a saiyan, every time I get trashed I come back stronger
My life has come down to me literally sitting on an uncrustables trying to defrost it because I’m drunk alone and hungry.
Just told my dad about my heroic mailbox showdown. He looked at me strange. I think he thinks I'm high.
You are high.
Randomize
