do you think they make care bear costumes for cats?
i looked at dads computer and apparently he was looking at job ads on craigslist and the only one clicked that turned purple said "GET PAID TO MASTURBATE"
yeah. and then it was like the room of requirement. the elevator just opened for our threesome.
Just paid for that girls abortion on my dad's black card. I feel like P-Diddy.
Last night was proof dads should hug their daughters more
Just come over and take your pants off. 35 mins tops. You'll be home before midnight cinderella
Thanks for telling my landlord that the poop stain was yours and not my secret dog.
Just woke up with my keys in one hand and cheesecake in the other.
I feel like everything in this room is sweating
If your wondering why there is a puddle on the floor is I may have decided to make a kiddie pool in your living room.
five cans of playdoh and a game of guess whose penis ...
As a matter of fact, I am on the treadmill with the Bottle of UV Blue as we speak.....
I'm actually kind of scared about the prospect of us living together. We're just going to eat pizza and drink wine before retiring to our rooms with vibrators
Nothing has ever been more true. Ever.
If you're going to be single forever, you should try the quesalupas at Taco Bell.
Okay, since we're going to be living together and I'm obviously better than you at everything, I have one single simple rule that I want you to follow: DO. NOT. FUCK WITH ME.
Randomize
