I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
How am I still drunk? Whoever said breakfast is the most important meal obviously didn't skip dinner and go drinking.
How much explanation does bbqsexapalooza need?
Long labias. Talking about. Too drunk to explain. Tomorrow.
... thanks for letting me perform minor surgery on myself last night.
I figured if you were smart enough to sterilize with vodka, you could handle it.
Ok- my dad's ex-wife's Irish nephew. Weird if we fuck or not?
Obviously he considers you not fucking him as fucking up. Thus making him fuck up. Based on this I believe he should be disqualified from the race to your vagina.
Hooked up to multiple episodes of Even Stevens last night. What the fuck.
It's getting harder and harder to fake orgasms as I get older.
She broke up with me after I spent the whole day speaking in nothing but Marshawn Lynch quotes.
Of course i made out w him. He was painted green. You know of my secret longing for the Hulk.
Everyone got an underage but her
How'd she get out of it?!
She hid in the FUCKING DRYER
Just opened my sisters laptop to "cute places to lose my virginity" googled last
They made the paper for stealing gnomes. I fucked a local celebrity.
He broke through his window then signed his name on the biggest peice of glass from it. I think they framed it and named it 'best party ever'
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