Worst sexual experience IN MY LIFE. And now i know why it makes jesus cry.
at a party and just made O-H-I-O out of dicks and vajayjays...i hope someone took a pic i was too busy (; GO BUCKS!!!
So, remember how that one doctor said it was 1 in a million that I'd get pregnant...
Yeeah thank god
Well..welcome to parenting Mr. one in a million.
I don't remember him, but he's saved in my phone as "uh oh zbt"
He came over while I was in the ER and hung pictures of himself around my house.
So many people have lost their virginity on my futon... I think it is only the right thing to bronze it and put it on display
For some reason i am carrying prostate cancer brochures. i am nor used to drinking this early.
I was greeting people at my door feeding them jello shots out of an ice cube tray with a spoon.
Just so everyone's clear, it was already on fire when I got there.
Don't mind me. My boyfriend is carrying me because I'm broken not because I'm drunk.
It's not even 9:30 yet..
No we don't really celebrate valentines day, we just use it as an excuse to drink 3 bottles of red wine and fuck for a few hours.
I woke up to my bra draped over his lamp and a huge bump on my head. apparently, I face planted while having sex in the shower..
It's 5AM and I just stirred weed butter into ramen noodles. This is not where I expected to be at 30. ...But, hey, getting high off noodles.
He told me he sees me like a sister then 10 mins later tried to make out with me.
I feel like I haven't slapped your ass in years. This will be awesome.
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