she kept yelling 'call me bella'
Considering that my ex-wife dumped me to become a lesbian, the Universe owes me a threesome.
there was enough confetti in my bra to throw another NYE party
We fucked standing up with my right leg over his shoulder. Thank you mom and dad for having once enrolled me in gymnastics. It has finally paid off
I think I'm cybering, it's been a while and its more in depth than it was in 8Th grade.
just got high and bedazzled my bra. other than bleeding from the prongs life is so good.
Can you tell me how this chicken finger got in my pillow case?
she got kicked out of the bar for shoving german chocolate cake in the bartenders face. we were there less than a minute
Hey could you buy me 2 bottles of arbor mist? I'm trying to get laid tonight
Can't find our DD
He's backstage giving the strippers foot massages.They kidnapped him the moment he walked thru the door.
I spent the last 6 months operating under the assumption that I HADNT fucked a paramedic. I was wrong.
Does it still count as a valentine if it's drunk phone sex at 3 in the morning
I puked and rallied in front of a cop...and then waved at him....
Who the abstract fuck do you think you are!?
So drunk me is not subtlety trying to get her boss to cheat on her husband and have a lesbian affair with me. Sober me is ok with that.
Randomize
