Bleh. If he hadn't ascended into heaven and sat at the right hand of the father, Jesus would be rolling over in his grave right now.
he was chasing shots of soco with fistfuls of my birthday cake
once the "do it" chant starts, any shot at an even remotely dignified party experience is dead.
got hammered last night, woke up this morning to 38 texts that varied from "you fucking asshole" to "i can be there in 10 minutes"
just served this dwarf dude an entire pitcher of malt liquor. watching this will totally be worth my bartender's certification.
First day of class and I'm in a bar drinking pitcher #3. Foreshadowing?
they need to invent a card that reads "thanks for all those boners you gave me that you did NOTHING about"
You're the only person I know who would be upset about making out with a girl you like. You're like a drunken Charlie Brown.
Well ill be drunk so just come find me. Its like where in the world is Joey San Diego
Just delivered a pizza to a holiday inn and a delivery driver from Me n Ed's walked up at the same time, we both were going to the same floor so we stood in the elevator making small talk about delivery stuff, but a small part of me wanted to deck him, stand over him and shout,"FOR THE HUT MOTHERFUCKER, FOR THE HUT!"
Jesus christ, don't start a pizza delivery gang war.
I saw the attitude and didn't even try. Line of the night from one guy who talked with them for a while said, "I don't meet you standards. I have a job and would treat you well." She was blank faced.
There's a guy running dressed as a bunny toward your house.
There are flour footprints all over the house. Either u guys are trying to pull that Paranormal Activity shit on me again, or u got drunk and tried to make pancakes.
Whose house did we sneak into and play beer pong for 4 hours at last night?
I honestly have no idea
She asked me if I could do that to her every single time. I said nope. sometimes it's better.
Randomize
