when you find your car can you pick me up? his mom is here and im hungover
i just compared eating a chick out to "gargling a cheeto"
I just spilled my beer all over my laptop.. this is what i get for actually trying to do homework
soo I had sex last night and he wore a condom, pulled out sans condom. we looked everywhere and couldnt find it, even in my vag. so Im in the library at school and I googled it and it gave me "gentle digging" techniques, and sure enough, found it. ew. I'll be purchasing Plan B after class.
she added emergen-c to the bong-water bro, brilliant.
Things you owe me: a sober apology, $12, the removal of bbq sauce from my doorknob
You never did explain why you were in wal-mart with a wok full of popcorn.
Even when you're not here I still manage to get pad thai in my vagina
I think we should take up crocheing or stamp collecting....something completely lacking penises
I can't hang out tomorrow. A boy wants to feed me ice cream and touch my boobs. Priorities.
I repeat do not go to a jail visit drunk, those stools are easy to fall off.
I left my parents and ran through the airport. I was like I'm not getting stuck in Atlanta tonight and not having sex.
I think it's important to not involve Bar Food in any near future decisions.
5 seconds ago I had no idea that a fart could travel so fastly thru the tanning bed. I taste it in the back of my neck.
I just got to my parents hungover as hell. My dad could tell and said "theres only one cure for a hangover" and handed me a beer. This morning went from a 0 to 10 in an instant.
Randomize
